Last 3 years..

I haven't written a blog post in almost 2 years.  I was quiet busy and occupied.  However, I have never forgotten about this blog and always thought write something. I found some time after a long time.

It's quiet funny how fast the time moves on. Event though, I didn't feel two years pass by so fast still two years is a really long time... I really don't know where to start. Mostly I used this blog to vent feelings.. It may be because that I never quiet had any shattering experiences in last 2 years.

I have been married for just over two years.. It's the best experience of my life.. I have found a friend whom I could trust and love unconditionally.. Someone who tolerate me with all my weaknesses and still love me without asking anything back..

I have had relationships in the past.. It all ended in heartache.. I loved people who I thought loves me back.. I learnt from those relationships and all those heartache made me better a man.. Those relationships showed my flaws and made me stronger.

I believe everything happens for a reason.  I can go on and on about last 2-3 years.. I have let it go those bad memories.. I just feel great.. Loving wife, loving parent, loving sister, loving in-laws, and loving friends..

Retrospective...

Exactly a year ago series of events turned my life upside down..

Till that time I thought I was in a stable relationship.. Even though the person I dated wasn't the best one around I was sort of submitted to my faith and content with my life.. What I couldn't see then was I was slowly destroying myself without me even knowing about it.  The people around me saw it and try to warn me but I rudely chased them away..

I should have seen the early signs.. She only wanted to be there till her father's surgery was over.. I gave her close to 350,000 for the operation when there were NOT a single person to give her a cent..  NONE of her so called buddies who ganged up against me didn't even show up.  What did she tell when I reminded her during the breakup,

 "You were my bf and it is expected of you"

(I expected things from her which never occurred.)

I know for a fact that if the situation is other way around she wouldn't do a thing to help me.  She would be the first person to jump a sinking a ship.

Those were the lessons I learnt (hard way).

Obviously I was in tatters last year.. I was a man with a broken soul and a shattered heart.  A lost soul who didn't know how to start over. Yes, I tried to reach out without an iota of shame or any respect for myself.  I was beaten down and trampled upon more each time.

I was in a very deep abyss, dark all around not a shed of light and a very cold place..  Then I looked up and I saw tiny ray of light very far away.  It  gave me some hope, strength and courage.  It told me "you may have lost the battle but war is still ranging on, don't give up just yet.".

I got up on my feet, checked my surroundings and assessed my situation.  Then I laid down my priorities to achieve in a year.  Where I want be at the end of December - 2014.

1.  I was grossly overweight. My BMI was 30 and it was in "obese" range.  So I wanted to bring it down to 24.  In order to achieve it I have to loose close to 24 kgs.

2. Academic qualifications.  Beef up my professional certification.

3. Career progression.

4. Enjoy life.  Travel, meet new people, develop a new skill.

I set on tackling each of those tasks with unwavering determination and motivation.

What fueled it ?

The "PAIN". ( first couple of months).

After couple of months I realized, everything seems to be alright without her.  All this while I was blinded and suffering myself.  The decision she took was the best thing ever happened to me.

Things I set motion a year ago will not stop here.. I want continue these on for years to come.  These will be four pillars of my life.

From next month onward I'll be turning a new page in my life, will start a new chapter.

All I wanted to say is,

 I'm ready for the future challenges. 

200 km...

Well yes I achieved another target I set myself in running.. 200 km.. It took me 22 hrs.. My average speed is 9.1 km/h.  Not bad for a guy who couldn't run 100 m beginning of the year..

This is excluding cross fit training I do at torrington..

I just feel fantastic.. and more determined to continue further.. always challenge myself..

25 Signs You're Succeeding at Life...

We’ve all had days, weeks, months and — for some — even years of dark days and depression. Whether we fall into ruts of self-sabotage, loneliness or insecurity, leading a happy, joyful life can sometimes feel like a chore.

Most of us are so busy trying to dodge life bullets, we forget to stop and appreciate the little victories.

Consider for a moment that you’re doing a tremendous job at life. Living isn’t an easy thing to do, but it can be enjoyable when we start to see the good instead of focusing on the bad.

You are actually living a good life by recognizing these 25 signs:

1. Your relationships are less dramatic than they use to be.
2. You may not have as much money as you want but you live a rich life.
3. You’re not afraid to ask for help and support.
4. Where you live feels like home.
5. You’ve raised your standards.
6. You let go of things that don’t make you feel good.
7. You have moments where you appreciate who you see in the mirror.
8. You’re working on limiting your inner critic and consciously choosing more positive thoughts.
9. You’ve learned that setbacks and failure are part of self-growth.
10. You have a support system that includes people who would do anything for you.
11. You hear “I love you” often, from friends, family or a partner.
12. You’ve accepted what you can’t change, but change what you can’t accept.
13. You don’t complain much, but instead focus on solutions.
14. You don’t blame your parents, and accept them for who they are.
15. You stopped caring about what others think of you.
16. You’re happy for your exes when they move on.
17. You can celebrate others’ successes.
18. You allow yourself to feel your feelings and are comfortable sharing them.
19. You have passions that you pursue.
20. You’re able to accept compliments without deflecting.
21. You have things to look forward to.
22. You have goals that have come true.
23. You have empathy for others.
24. You feel connected to your work.
25. You love deeply and open yourself up to be loved by others.

10 Life lessons from Navy Seal Admiral's commencement speech at UT

I came through this amazing commencement speech by Navy Seal Admiral William H. McRaven today morning.. As usual I was in Monday blues.  This speech helped me to rejuvenate myself and set new goals for my life.  It was a very inspirational speech that everyone should read.  Cos I believe it'll give a new perspective for your life.

I especially love the first advice,

"If you want to change the world, start off by making your bed"..

I felt embarrassed when I read the first life lesson from the admiral.  I thought making the bed is very mundane work better leave for you maid.  How could someone do great things, if they are incapable of making their own bed ??

Read it.. and make your lives more meaningful to the people who lives around you..

http://www.businessinsider.com/10-life-lessons-from-navy-seal-2014-5?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+businessinsider+%28Business+Insider%29

My thoughts on George R. R. Martin's "A Feast for Crows.."

To be honest I became fascinated with George R. R. Martin's "A song of Ice & Fire" series after I watched the first episode of the HBO tv series.  Since then I bought the books and started reading those and never looked back.  I just finished the fourth installment of the series "A Feast for Crows".. and It's high time I write a review about the book.  Since I became a fan very recently, unlike other die hard loyal fans I was spared the agony of waiting between books.. Apparently there was a five year gap between 3rd and the 4th book of the series.  Well enough of that.. Let me tell about my thoughts of the book..

In the 3rd installment of the series, GRRM killed almost all the interesting characters loved by the fans.  The same way he killed Lord Eddard Stark.  Most of the characters were killed during the infamous "Red Wedding".  So GRRM thought since I have written a successful series for the 4th installment I can write about a quarter of the characters introduce useless and somewhat annoying characters and be unclear about several peoples fate as if it means nothing at all.

Really GRRM.. I say again REALLY ?

I loved the way GRRM told the story in the first three books but fourth book is no way near the standard of the first three books.  Were there no editors involved in this book ?  This is what he gave fans after FIVE freaking long years ?

For example, what happened to Oberyn Martell's bastard children ? Thank god no paragraphs were dedicated to them.. It would have been very painful to read.. What happened to the man who appeared in prologue ? He literally melted a man and GRRM vanished the man much of the same away from the book.. Not sure whether he would appear again as the same way he got vanished in the next book.. 

(Spoiler Alert) Only upside of the book is the fate of Queen Regent (aka Cersei Lannister).  I really enjoyed reading that chapter..

I still love the series and his writing is great.  It felt like he lost his way a bit and I think we need to get a big spotlight and collectively say " Get the fuck over here".  Here being nowhere near Dorne.

Resurrection...

“Only after disaster can we be resurrected. It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything. Nothing is static, everything is evolving, everything is falling apart."

Ya I know!!! I watched Fight Club! And like every other guy out there I like the movie.

I truly believe that you will revive once you are smashed to the ground. I’m not saying it necessarily has to be a major calamity such as the death of a loved one but sometimes surviving a car crash or an insignificant heart break may open our eyes. We start seeing the world with a different standpoint and our notions take a new perspective that may excel our lives.

We see simple examples everyday; friends leave, hearts break, you might fall ill or get divorced ... and the list could go on. Whenever such a thing happens, a little piece inside of you dies... But people only begin to be concerned when they have an experience that shakes their paradigm and pushes them along a different path.

I guess it’s time to re-examine our lives... so you can reflect on what is really important and take action now. Tomorrow may never come! 

Early morning jog..

Last night I set the alarm for 4.30 am. So I could get up and go for a early morning jog..  I have enjoyed these early morning jogs since January this year and it has become a habit.  But there are times where you are too tired to get out of the bed..  Well today morning was one of those days..

When that happens, voices inside my head scream and say  this is enough for the day.  I have worked out enough for this week.  They want me to hit that snooze button and go back to the dream land.  But the only voice I chose to listen was one of defiance.  There's a reason why I set that alarm clock for 4.30 am.. So I commanded all those aching muscles to STFU.. Got up and went to running track..

This is how it looks at 5am in the morning.. It was dark.. not a soul in sight except the long line of lamp posts..

I put my head down and started to jog.. Today I did about 8.5 km at 9.2 km/h within 55 minutes.. I felt pretty damn good about myself after that..

45 Ultimate tips for men...

Tips for every man..

I should have listen to the 5th tip.. I took her to the movies on the first date.. and look what I had to put up with.

Learning to Dance..

well let me be honest with you all out there.. I CAN'T dance.. I have no fancy moves.  I have no rhythm in my body. I can't coordinate different muscles groups to form what could be a move that's pleasing to whoever cared to watch..

But hey deep down inside me I like to dance..  I want to own that floor and dance like hell.. Not for anyone else but for myself.. Cos I need it to relax after working hard..

So I decided to take dance classes..  I joined a Latin dance class..

They started with Cha-Cha-Cha.. What a dance it is.. Those Cubans sure know how to let themselves loose.. Still I'm learning how to keep my upper body still and sway hips and arms to the music beat.. I got the hang of basic feet movements.. So with time and with lots of practice hope I could be confidence enough dance it in public..

Not only Cha-cha-cha.. with time they'll teach jive, social rhythm, salsa, bachata etc.. It's all really exciting.. I'm really looking forward for Bachata.. I'm determined master those before the big date in October.

Twilight Zone

“There is a twilight zone in our hearts that we ourselves cannot see. Even when we know quite a lot about ourselves-our gifts and weaknesses, our ambitions and aspirations, our motives and our drives-large parts of ourselves remain in the shadow of consciousness.

This is a very good thing.

We will always remain partially hidden to ourselves. Other people, especially those who love us, can often see our twilight zones better than we ourselves can.

The way we are seen and understood by others is different from the way we see and understand ourselves. We will never fully know the significance of our presence in the lives of our friends.

That's a grace, a grace that calls us not only to humility, but to a deep trust in those who love us.

It is the twilight zones of our hearts where true friendships are born.”

― Henri J.M. Nouwen

Laid back Sunday..

Last Sunday Niroshika and I went to our favorite hangout by the beach.. Shore by "O".. We got there around 2pm and place was almost empty as it was the last Sunday of the new year holidays.. We took our usual table on the top deck where both can get a priceless 180 degree view of the beach and the sea.


In Sri Lanka, bars Don't serve liquor between 2pm and 5pm.  I don't know who was the genius behind it and I have no clue what they intend to achieve out of it.  Well she ordered her favorite strawberry flavored virgin mojito. I ordered "Oktoberfest Brew".. Nothing like a good oktoberfest brew on a hot Sunday by the beach.

We talked and bonded.. It meant a lot to me.. With her soothing touch she glued together my broken heart and made it strong.  She gave me love and showed me there's still fire in my heart to ignite love..  After years of looking for that serene love, I found it on that shore by the beach when I first took her there.  It's the only place in Colombo where I don't have any tainted memories of the past.  Ideal place to start over once broken heart and fill it with love..

I think I finally manage to close that door to the past and open a new door for the future...  I feel happiness after a long time...

New year...

Another year passed on and a new year has dawn..  It's official 2013 was the worst year of my life.. I never achieved anything.. I practically wasted a year for nothing and to top it off I lost the love of my life.

I'm still recovering from the pain..  I think it'll take sometime before I'll fully recover.  However, I like to be optimistic about the future.  I learned some painful lessons last year.  As the saying goes, "What doesn't kill you will makes you stronger".

I'll never know whether our paths will cross again but I'll wish for that.  I just want to have one last decent conversation with her minus her vengeance (or hatred) against me.

I have set some milestones for myself for this year..  Well I had one month head start..  So far they were off to a good start..  I hope I can be consistent (touch wood) for next 12 months.

I want to have a good year..  Become old me who used to be outgoing, active, passionate and happy.  I want to dug that person out..  Fill myself with activities so I won't have any time to relive the moments I had with her.   When I look back at 2 1/2 years I was with her, I lost my passion and became a lazy, over-weight person with no enthusiasm.  Mostly because of the issues we had.

I want to let go of that person and become old me in this new year...

Marriage isn't for you..

I came across following article and realized some of the mistakes I did.. Marriage or a relationship is not for you infact it's for the person you love..  Very insightful and eye opening article..

"Marriage isn't for you"

Life is a ....

How many times have you come across the term "Life is a Journey" ? I guess it's a term use by people at every given opportunity. In Sri Lankan social context, I think "Life is a bus ride" compared to a journey. When you think along this line, you'll realize "life is a bus ride" is more fitting to our society than the latter.

When you board a bus, you have some sense about your final destination. However, some people might get into the bus without knowing where to go or where to get down but nonetheless  they are going on a journey without much sense. Most of us will know where to get off the bus. Sometimes, a bus ride could be joyous, tolerable, or an utter misery.

Whatever opinion you have on bus rides, you have to accept the fact that it could be an exciting one. You will acknowledge diverse set of people we come across in a bus ride. Some will smile; some will form life long friendships or become your "Bus Buddy"; some will give you a seat; some will take you bag (or luggage) will help you out; some will frown; some will hate you for stepping on their feet. Then there's some less fortunate ask for your help, various street sellers, and occasional 'Virudu' guy where you'll give if you have any spare change. Also if you really unlucky someone will come and rob you broad daylight. Now do you start to see some similarities between our life and a bus ride.

Out of all those distractions what fascinates me most are the colorful people that one will come across. The sad part is you can't screen those people before you bump into them. Some people will make you happy, some people will make sad, some people will hurt you, some people will add mystery; some people will make you wonder. Whoever you meet, there are primarily three types of people. They are bad, good and affectionate. The bad people we meet will rob our  dignity, love, affection or maybe even life. The good people will only steal our sorrows and pains. And the affectionate ones will steal our  feelings and heart.

Like a bus.. These people will get in and get out of your life as they wish. It's hard to control and you can't influence the people that come to your life. Sometimes affectionate people could turn out to be bad people. They'll decide to get out of your life abruptly as they came in. You might beg, cry, threaten, get down on your knees, but if they want to get down, they will get down. They might surprise you by re-boarding from another bus stop..

Once you reached your stop, you have to get down whether you like it or not. At the end, you have to leave those people who came along on your bus ride. It's hard to let them go but eventually you have to, and that's why it's call 'Life'. So just enjoy the ride and try not to make attachments that hard to let go.

The Art of Letting Go Past Relationships

Recently I went through a breakup.  What I had with her was something very close to my heart and I found it difficult deal with the breakup. At first, it felt like a mini-death, complete with a grieving process.

Then I was shocked and in denial. I didn't believe it’s over and I hold out hope. Next I felt hurt and guilt. I should have done things differently. If I did I wouldn’t be in this pain.

Then I felt angry and maybe even started bargaining. It would be different if I gave it a second (or third) go. I wouldn’t be so insecure, defensive, or demanding.  Then I felt depressed and lonely as it hits me how much I have lost.

Eventually I start accepting what happened and shift my focus from the past to the future.  Some tips that might help you to move on when you are in a breakup.

1. Release Regrets

    Do not dwell on where it wrong and how it fix it.  You might think it's productive.  But it's not.  You can't change what happened.

2.  Learn from the experience

   What you had learnt from the experience will help to develop a closure.

3.  Visualize a new you

    The person you were before you met your last love was a pretty awesome one.  Be that strong, passionate, and happy person you were before you met her (or him).

4.  Remember the bad as well as the good
   
    Let go of the 'Complicated Grief' - a persistent sense of longing for someone we lost with romanticized memories of the relationship. 
    No relationship is all sunshine, roses, and rainbows.  you might think your ex is perfect since she (or he) breakup with you.  In reality, both have strength and weaknesses.  You both made mistakes.
    And always think "It's easier to let go a human than a hero"

5.  Don't think about any time as lost

    Think of all the positive achievements you made during the relationship.  Always focus on the positive things you did and it'll help you to move because you will not feel victimized by your ex or by time.

6. Make space for your present reality
   
    Take down her pictures.. Delete her emails, SMSs, and anything that'll make you remember her.

7.  Write everything you want to express in a letter

    you might choose to sent it or not (in my case I sent it) but expressing your real feelings towards her will help you to come into terms with the reality.

8.  Remember the benefits of moving on

    Do not torture yourself by holding into the past.  Let it go and new possibilities will always be present for you.

9.  Replace fearful thoughts

    At times when you hold onto things, it more likely an attachment than the love.  So replace whatever the fear you have with positive thoughts.

10.  Embrace impermanence

    In the eternal teachings of Buddha, "Nothing lasts forever".  Eventually everything will run it's course and come to an end.

Finally always remember "Loving myself means letting go"..

~ Compiled using various resources on the Net ~

Being Strong ...

I came across the following when I was doing some leisure reading on the net.  It's sort of fits my current tangle I'm in..

Being strong is;

to love someone in silence,
to radiate happiness when we are unhappy,
to forgive someone who does not deserve forgiveness,
to stay calm in moments of despair,
to show joy when we don't feel it,
to smile when you want to cry,
to make someone happy when our own heart is broken,
to be silent when we feel like screaming our anguish,
to comfort when we need to be comforted,
to have faith when sometimes we no longer believe. 

Author - Anonymous 

Where I proposed

This is where I proposed to her.  On 16th Jan 2012... sigh...

Spring is around the corner..

This is what I saw this morning, when I was on my way to work, right outside where I live.. A tree was coming back to life.. you can see the leaves starting to pop out.. Good to know that winter is finally over..

Pizza, Beer and Bunch of Thoughts on Thames

Since I made a promise to myself getting out my boring self.. I took the first step of getting out of it... First step is all about having some moment for yourself.. It's always healthy and recommended to have hour or two for yourself every week.. Something that I skipped for several years....

So yesterday I got out of work early and decided to take a walk.. Normally the train station (Waterloo) is just opposite to the building.. but I since decided put my thinking cap, I walked to embankment tube station which is about 1 km across the Thames..

The evening was a typical London end of the winter evening.. Which was bit gloomy, windy, chilly and hint of a drift.. So I came out of the building wrap the scarf around my neck to take cover from chilly breeze and put on the hoody to refuge from the drift.. Then hook up my iPhone started listening to one of my favorite play list (I'm not gonna tell it.. you'll really laugh at it)..

Usually I'm off around 8-8.30 pm from office, since today was an exception, When I came out roads were buzzing with office crowd, some running to catch the train or doing some late shopping for dinner.. and there were few people who were brave enough for wear running short and go for a jog..

Witnessing all that, I crossed the Imax theater roundabout and started to walk towards the waterloo bridge and just admired the sunset over London eye and all sorts of boats on Thames..

After admiring the view and cooling down my boiler like mind with cool breeze I went towards the embankment with few slices of yummy pepperoni pizza and a Budweiser.. There I laid rest my aching legs and screaming back on nice but cold wooden benches..

One thing I love about London no one pays attention to what you do.. There are no people staring at you.. there are no people who disturb your thoughts talking about weather and other BS.. The Londoners likes to mind their own business.. Imagine yourself in gallface with a pizza and a Budweiser.. People around 200m radius will talk about you and might say you are a loner and goof, including the people in passing cars..

Nevertheless I let my mind wonder itself where ever it wants.. It's like letting your dog out the leash.. you can see it run around all over the place chasing everything.. barking.. trying to catch air, flies, leaves..

well my mind was more or less like behaved like a puppy that evening.. it just played and ran around my career, studies, family, pathetically dry love life.. Then it started sorts things out itself.. It started to see which needs to have more priority and which doesn't.. and it made me see things differently.. it showed me things I was putting back really should come up in the priority list.. above all it showed me work is not the life.. you have only one life.. and you should live it.. and the life is not all about the air you breath but the moments you live.. I decided to change some of the ways and start to live life differently..