The Art of Letting Go Past Relationships

Recently I went through a breakup.  What I had with her was something very close to my heart and I found it difficult deal with the breakup. At first, it felt like a mini-death, complete with a grieving process.

Then I was shocked and in denial. I didn't believe it’s over and I hold out hope. Next I felt hurt and guilt. I should have done things differently. If I did I wouldn’t be in this pain.

Then I felt angry and maybe even started bargaining. It would be different if I gave it a second (or third) go. I wouldn’t be so insecure, defensive, or demanding.  Then I felt depressed and lonely as it hits me how much I have lost.

Eventually I start accepting what happened and shift my focus from the past to the future.  Some tips that might help you to move on when you are in a breakup.

1. Release Regrets

    Do not dwell on where it wrong and how it fix it.  You might think it's productive.  But it's not.  You can't change what happened.

2.  Learn from the experience

   What you had learnt from the experience will help to develop a closure.

3.  Visualize a new you

    The person you were before you met your last love was a pretty awesome one.  Be that strong, passionate, and happy person you were before you met her (or him).

4.  Remember the bad as well as the good
   
    Let go of the 'Complicated Grief' - a persistent sense of longing for someone we lost with romanticized memories of the relationship. 
    No relationship is all sunshine, roses, and rainbows.  you might think your ex is perfect since she (or he) breakup with you.  In reality, both have strength and weaknesses.  You both made mistakes.
    And always think "It's easier to let go a human than a hero"

5.  Don't think about any time as lost

    Think of all the positive achievements you made during the relationship.  Always focus on the positive things you did and it'll help you to move because you will not feel victimized by your ex or by time.

6. Make space for your present reality
   
    Take down her pictures.. Delete her emails, SMSs, and anything that'll make you remember her.

7.  Write everything you want to express in a letter

    you might choose to sent it or not (in my case I sent it) but expressing your real feelings towards her will help you to come into terms with the reality.

8.  Remember the benefits of moving on

    Do not torture yourself by holding into the past.  Let it go and new possibilities will always be present for you.

9.  Replace fearful thoughts

    At times when you hold onto things, it more likely an attachment than the love.  So replace whatever the fear you have with positive thoughts.

10.  Embrace impermanence

    In the eternal teachings of Buddha, "Nothing lasts forever".  Eventually everything will run it's course and come to an end.

Finally always remember "Loving myself means letting go"..

~ Compiled using various resources on the Net ~